Its been a while!

OK! I so should have blogged ages ago, I kept meaning to. I don’t really know what my blog is going to be about..

So in the 5 months I haven’t blogged, not alot has changed:

  • My asthma is still as annoying as it ever was, since January this year I’ve had 8 hospital admissions.
  • The treatment the hospital wanted to start me on is not likely to be suitable for me, cos my IgE level is very high and it needed to be between 30-700 if I recall correctly and mine was in the thousands. 😦
  • I got Chickenpox again (2nd time in my life) in May and it was rather nasty. 😦 Or at least I don’t remember it being so nasty when I had it the first time round.
  • Because of said Chickenpox I missed my exams in May/June which means I’m worried I won’t get my grade for my maths resit so that I can go back to my A Levels in September. :-s
  • I joined Twitter- its a bit rubbish :-p
  • I joined the Youth Forum for Asthma UK in April, I go to the meetings with some of the people who I know from AUK. πŸ™‚

I’ve kinda realised lately I get stressed and down about things too much lately, I guess the stuff I worry about is okay to worry about but maybe I need to get a fresh perspective on it all and maybe at times things aren’t really as bad as I think they are. I went through a phase during June where I became quite down possibly depressive, I didn’t know how to deal with it, I was under alot of stress; asthma wise, family, and some other stuff. Things just feel hopeless sometimes and I wonder why I bother. I kinda get over it after a little while, but I think these sorts of doubts will surface again as they have before.

I don’t think I know myself as well as I think I do, people say either I’m guarded with them or I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don’t know which I am. I sometimes feel like I’m being a fake and I’m not being who I really am, but then I’m asking myself am I anything different and I guess I’m not. I feel like a bad person alot and I feel like I’m always being punished for stuff but I don’t think I’ve actually done anything wrong so I don’t know why I feel like that. I just feel like God or whoever is up there has something against me and hardly anything goes right.

I’m reading this back and I didn’t expect to write some of this stuff.

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