Uneasy calm

In a month’s time I will probably look back at this entry and ask myself why wasn’t I doing anything more productive with this time because right now there isn’t a lot going on with college etc but I will probably be a lot more busier in a month or so’s time. Since the exams in January finished there hasn’t been a lot going on in general, any homework I’ve got I have finished it that night out of sheer boredom. I thought that after exams all I’d want to do is rest and do all the things I thought I had to do. I never get enough sleep anyway so I don’t see this changing and the things I needed to do I have done… so what now? Everything just feels uninteresting at the moment even though during exams I was looking forward to them. I was looking forward to this period of rest to catch up with friends, to do things I enjoy but it hasn’t turned out how I expected to. I just can’t shake off this feeling of being irritated. And I don’t know why I feel like this. I am feeling the way you do when you know you have got to be awake early in the morning and you are trying to get to sleep but can’t get to sleep because you’re too worried about oversleeping and missing whatever it was that you needed to be awake early for. This probably all doesn’t make sense at all and I’m clearly just having a ramble here. It’s like I am constantly in this state of being ‘stressed’ and jittery but I’m not actually stressed because everything is pretty much fine at the moment. I just can’t feel calm even though most things around me are calm.

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