Is a problem halved.
I have never really believed in this saying completely before but from last night I think I do. There has been this theme in my blog for the past few months about apathy and lack of motivation and I think I might have finally ‘snapped’ out of it. However I feel I have left it too late for my January exams, I have 4 exams this month, one of them went well which I hopefully won’t’ need to resit however the other 3 are much harder and 2 of them are A2 exams which I haven’t sat before. I feel that I have not thoroughly revised and I am therefore panicking. Last year I did solid revision and came out with good grades apart from Chemistry (though poor teaching in that lead to everyone doing rather poorly in it) and came out exams generally thinking I gave them a good shot. So I have partially resigned myself to needing to resit in June but nonetheless I will try to do as well as I can in my January set of exams.
I have voiced my concerns to my friends at college and outside of college about how hard I am finding A Levels but have found my college friends in particular shrug off my concerns because of my good performance last year and therefore probably think I am being neurotic or something and my other friends just tell me not to worry mainly and I guess weren’t fully aware to the extent about how things felt to me partly because I was scared of their responses. Last night there was a friend who asked me how I am, and I quite directly told her how I felt (in a 140 character twitter message :p) and I felt a lot better for it surprisingly. I feel like a big weight’s been lifted off my mind and that I can somewhat see more clearly.
There is no reason why I can’t, with hard work and perseverance, do well in my A Levels and go to university. I did well in my AS Levels and I’m usually a very determined person so I need to stop thinking so negatively and just go for it. Moping around at home sleeping or spending my life on MSN isn’t going to help me.
So I’ve decided: I need to spend less time on MSN, have a proper bedtime and wake up at same time everyday, structure my revision/studies throughout the week so it doesn’t get left to one day for example, get lots of past exam papers and study using those and get more work experience. It’s only as hard as I make it, I’ve decided basically to not just think/talk about things I want to do but to actually go and do them.
My mum was discharged from hospital last Monday (10/01) and so far she is doing okay, she is taking her meds and is a lot more stable. Because she is relatively well that means I am feeling happier – my mental state has lifted significantly.