It might seem I abandoned my blog seeing as there’s been no posts since February but my laptop broke the very night I last updated and I just couldn’t find the motivation to contact the insurance company, its working now but I haven’t used it in the 6 weeks it was returned to me, I’ve got used to doing everything on my blackberry I guess but now that has broken too!
Anyway, I’m rambling (hah what is new?) A lot has happened in the past 6 months but not a lot of interest. Its kind of all merged into one big blobby thing of ‘stuff’ I think I will blog about some of the things in a bit more depth in future posts.
But in a big rambly nutshell, my mum got poorly, I basically gave up on my A Levels and resigned myself to repeating the entire year but did quite well in my exams and only need to resit Chemistry which is a miracle seeing as for each exam I did about 1-4 days of crammed revision and no structured revision. I’ve been having counselling since April, not sure how much it is helping as a lot of the time I just sit there rambling or otherwise crying about things. It feels like people make excuses for me, my counsellor tells me that things haven’t been straight forward for me and I need to look at my achievements the way they are in the situation presented objectively. I am harsh on myself and view things quite starkly, if someone tells me it’s not my fault or whatever I can’t listen to that. In the past year or so everything that has happened I do blame on myself and I feel guilty about things. I have been filled with self-doubt for a long time and this has extended to me doubting myself physically which has led to a degree of neglect, from not using nebs when it seems like I should to not eating at all some days because I cannot bring myself to as I have no self-control and nothing appeals so end up with low blood sugars as a result. Anyway I’m getting tired talking about this :s so I think I’ll wrap this up now.
I’m going back to college for another year to retake A Level Chemistry and to do Higher level GCSE Maths. I did realise in counselling that if I gave up entirely that I would not move forward to reaching my goals, it seems things will take longer than everyone else but maybe it is something I need to accept and get on with. I decided to do Maths to help refresh things, so even if I don’t improve my Maths grade it should hopefully help with Chemistry. I’ve also decided to join the Student Union at my college, my friend joined last year and it seems like it will be fun and worthwhile.