Definitely long time no post!

It might seem I abandoned my blog seeing as there’s been no posts since February but my laptop broke the very night I last updated and I just couldn’t find the motivation to contact the insurance company, its working now but I haven’t used it in the 6 weeks it was returned to me, I’ve got used to doing everything on my blackberry I guess but now that has broken too!

Anyway, I’m rambling (hah what is new?) A lot has happened in the past 6 months but not a lot of interest. Its kind of all merged into one big blobby thing of ‘stuff’ I think I will blog about some of the things in a bit more depth in future posts.

But in a big rambly nutshell, my mum got poorly, I basically gave up on my A Levels and resigned myself to repeating the entire year but did quite well in my exams and only need to resit Chemistry which is a miracle seeing as for each exam I did about 1-4 days of crammed revision and no structured revision. I’ve been having counselling since April,  not sure how much it is helping as a lot of the time I just sit there rambling or otherwise crying about things. It feels like people make excuses for me, my counsellor tells me that things haven’t been straight forward for me and I need to look at my achievements the way they are in the situation presented objectively. I am harsh on myself and view things quite starkly, if someone tells me it’s not my fault or whatever I can’t listen to that. In the past year or so everything that has happened I do blame on myself and I feel guilty about things. I have been filled with self-doubt for a long time and this has extended to me doubting myself physically which has led to a degree of neglect, from not using nebs when it seems like I should to not eating  at all some days because I cannot bring myself to as  I have no self-control and nothing appeals so end up with low blood sugars as a result.  Anyway I’m getting tired talking about this :s so I think I’ll wrap this up now.

I’m going back to college for another year to retake A Level Chemistry and to do Higher level GCSE Maths. I did realise in counselling that if I gave up entirely that I would not move forward to reaching my goals, it seems things will take longer than everyone else but maybe it is something I need to accept and get on with. I decided to do Maths to help refresh things, so even if I don’t improve my Maths grade it should hopefully help with Chemistry. I’ve also decided to join the Student Union at my college, my friend joined last year and it seems like it will be fun and worthwhile.

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4 thoughts on “Definitely long time no post!

  1. Dawn says:

    I was treasurer of the students union when I was at college – I had a fab year buuuuuut I will reluctantly admit that I probably focused more on the social side of college rather than the academic side!! It was fun though 🙂

    Well done on your A Levels!! It sounds like a massive achievement considering you’ve got a lot going on right now. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it taking you longer to achieve your goals compared to some other people. I know it’s easy for me to say, but seriously, this is something that has been on my mind a lot in the past as I feel a lot of guilt over things that have happened and caused ‘life delays’. Now I try to keep in mind that I’ll get there one day, and when I do it will be great because I will have worked so hard for it!!

    Take care, Dawn x

    • Simi says:

      Hey Dawn 🙂 hope you’re feeling better now *hugs* I do feel really guilty and aware about how much time has passed in not moving much forward because it sometimes feels like there is this invisible sand timer thing in the background making me feel time is going to run out – I need to learn to ignore it! You’re right though, it will be worthwhile however much time and effort it takes. xx

  2. littlemisspositivity says:

    Hey Simi, it’s been nice to hear from you again 🙂 Sorry to hear that things haven’t quite worked out how you hoped, but you’re right, you will find another way and I really admire your determination. You will definitely get there in your own time. Keep your chin up 🙂 x

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