Irritation

Fridays definitely do nothing positive for my mood or general-well being because Friday is the longest day in my college timetable. Right at this moment in time I’m feeling really irritated with some people and being unable to express this irritation directly is making me even more hacked off. I’m left holding these feelings because I won’t let them go or express them or else make something productive out of how I feel. Feeling emotionally irritated is making me feel physically irritated, my Eczema is particularly tempting to scratch at tonight. When I get really stressed, my Eczema is the thing that gets the brunt of it. Then I’m left feeling a bit sorry for myself cos it hurts so much. It is a vicious cycle. And no Eczema won’t kill me or do me any serious harm but the mental impact of it, in my opinion, is huge.

When I was younger; I had Eczema that was quite severe and spent a large part of that time in hospital as an inpatient and in outpatients on a near daily basis. I had zero self esteem and became virtually mute. I tried nearly every treatment they could offer at that time: bandages (such as Viscopaste zinc dressings), high potency steroids, wet wrap therapy, U.V therapy, countless emollients, Epogam (a type of evening primrose oil). Nothing seemed to work, I went to Dermatology every other day to be covered in bandages near head to toe and had an extremely restricted diet which meant I was inadequately nourished so was put on multi vitamin supplements to correct it. One day, I decided I simply couldn’t cope with it anymore and told my mum to do my dressings at home and started to reintroduce certain foods gradually back into my diet such as milk, bread etc. Gradually things did get better, maybe due to age, maybe being less sensitised to certain foods due to being reintroduced.

I guess the way I’m having chronic flare-ups of my Eczema which aren’t responding to quite high potency steroids, it scares me a little that things will end up the same way again. I’m blogging about a skin condition but it has been and is something that had deeply affect(ed) me. Asthma is largely an ‘invisible’ condition, Eczema on the other hand is quite visible, for example I rarely wear dresses or cropped trousers because I have extensive scarring and post inflammatory hyperpigmentation on my legs which I am very self conscious about. Or standing in front of the mirror each morning to see how much the skin on my face is cracking, if its cracking bad I try not to make eye contact with people because I just feel so horrible.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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