A tough week

Despite the stressful day that had been Christmas day I was optimistic that everything would now be straight foward as my mum has had DKA before and thought that was all that was making her unwell.

I have never been in this situation of such uncertainty and worry. When I’ve been in hospital for myself I’ve never been scared because it is always the same thing, the only thing that bothers me is pain from arterial blood gases for example. It is so so hard being on the other side and I would swap places if I could with my mum as I hate seeing her so poorly.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t anxious at the moment. She has moved to another ward as the other was an admissions ward and everyday I am being told something different, there is no consistency. She needs to be on a particular ward but it has no beds and this one is not appropriate. It is a gynaecology ward which has turned into an overflow ward, everyone in my mum’s room including herself are being treated for community acquired pneumonia.
Day 1- I was told she has a virus
Day 2- I was told they are doing scans and x-rays the next day, including a head CT scan to check intracranial pressures.
Day 3- mum has had her scans etc, ward has received them but no one has looked at them. They’re now treating her for community acquired pneumonia with IV Co-Amoxiclav and IV Clarithromycin, this is not the combination I’ve had in the past, I’ve had IV Amoxicillin and IV Erythromycin.
Day 4- still no one has looked at the scans results. Bloods are back, mum’s liver function is poor and they don’t know why- suggesting clot on liver? I ask if she needs to be put on IV fluids again as she is very dehydrated I am told no, she keeps being sick still and she has only had about 200ml of water all day, we need about 2 litres a day. Then there are the small things that happen, like when they put up some IV antibiotics they didn’t check the cannula was still working and when it wasn’t going through they disconnected it and let half of the IV bag leak all over my mum as none of the staff had the presence of mind to bung it.
Day 5- (today) I’m told she had a rough night and morning- the IV antibiotics now stopped, she is on IV fluids (Quelle surprise), swapped from Metoclopramide to IV Ondansetron and is still being copiously sick. Very worrying. The on-call doctor was called as I was leaving, I was told that they’re going to do some screening for liver diseases the next day.

I wish I was asleep. Asleep until this is all over and (hopefully) my mum is okay. I keep imagining the worst and I can’t cope with it. I feel so alone, friends are supportive but it is not the same as I’m so very close to my mum. My mum is my mum and dad combined, she is everything to me. My parents are divorced and that was a good thing, I was always more attached to my mum rather than my dad, instead of being a daddy’s little girl I was a mummy’s little girl. My dad now lives abroad, I occasionally speak to him on the phone and he sends me cards and things at Christmas/Diwali/My birthday. This situation is so painful and I hate waking up and remembering that my mum is in hospital and so far is not getting better. The anxiety is increasing as I’m not sure that she is getting the best care and I know this has been exacerbated due to the christmas and bank holiday period. But the frustration is there as simple things of keeping me in the loop, not checking cannulas, dehydration management, checking results are not happening. I wish I was more assertive to get them to take me seriously and stop looking at me like a small child when I AM my mum’s next of kin and vice versa.

Every argument or whatever that we have ever had is now so painful, I hate that I have ever got angry or upset with her.

I want my mummy. x

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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