December update

I think the last time I blogged I was feeling a bit confused about various things. Also it feels really weird to be typing a blog on a computer so this blog post will probably be laden with typos and grammatical errors!

I suppose health would be a good place to start. I have had another admission for asthma since I last posted but that doesn’t really count as I had laryngitis and a cold so couldn’t argue about going in! I had allergy clinic again and that was interesting albeit disheartening to find out I’ve got another set of allergies to add to my list, including a serious allergy to Shellfish which seems silly for me to be too concerned about as I’m vegetarian but can’t help feeling extra cautious now. I am still deciding on whether to go ahead with Ciclosporin, although my current view is a no to it.

I have, however decided to go ahead with the U.V Light Therapy for my eczema, which I am hoping to start next month. It has taken me a long time to finally decide it is what I want and I have sort of felt a pressure to accept either this treatment or Ciclosporin. I have gone with the former purely because it seems the less scary of the two options I’ve been offered.

As for the situation with my mum, things are pretty much the same. She has spent the last 3 weeks in hospital with Pneumonia and Sepsis which has inevitably put on hold any plans with moving forward. I really hope she will be allowed to come home for Christmas then we can look at getting her home properly in the New Year. I do miss her terribly.

I am struggling with Christmas this year. I do not feel excited or happy about it. It represents a time when this time last year our lives were turned upside down. I haven’t bought any Christmas presents or written my cards because I just feel really down about it. It is a bit difficult when everyone else is looking forward to it and you’re expected to act the same. However Christmas now represents a time of loneliness, uncertainty and fear. I am obviously not Christian, but it used to hold a far happier meaning. I hope that one day it will again.

Since I last posted; a friend of mine, Dawn passed away. Dawn was a lovely person who suffered from severe asthma, I find it upsetting that she never managed to get control over it and that it took her. I cannot get across enough what a sweet caring person she was, I will always remember her. It was such a shock as I never really think about dying and asthma even though I am well aware that it happens, it’s always been about getting through it so as to getting better.

I am not sure if I will be continuing to blog regularly, I will continue to blog but it may well become that I just don’t post as often anymore. It is hard seeing some of the things I have written on here in the past and it is weird seeing it again. Of course this is why I blog, to keep as journal and return to it at another time to see how I feel about it then. But lately there doesn’t feel there is a great deal of progress or change. Stagnant is the word. I honestly thought I would feel better than I did 2 years ago. I did find blogging therapeutic (for want of a better word) but now it can sometimes feel like a chore and I associate feelings of fatigue with blogging. This is why I think for the next couple of months I may not blog unless I really feel the urge to. However, saying that I have a draft of a post concerning a subject that is something I am quite passionate about and that is transition- relating to continuing care of chronic illness from paediatric medicine to adult medicine, I remember discussing this at length with my good friend Kerri last month and today it was mentioned at clinic which reminded me of my blog about it. So I guess this is something to work on even if I’m not updating as such for a little while!

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